you would pick up someone in the library
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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