so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
