I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
