I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize