Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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