is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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