mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
