you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
