I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
whose parrot is this?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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