I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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