I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
