so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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