im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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