My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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