My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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