I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize