somebody snuck up and got me drunk
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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