I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
