I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
