Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
