My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
