If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize