im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
