I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
