Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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