I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
