So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
