i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
