I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
