her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
