Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
After tacos, we're chasing women.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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