So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
