She is in my trunk
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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