Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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