You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
