A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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