I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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