I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
