someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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