my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am one with the molecules
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
try to milk me bitch
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