I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
