I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize