I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
