It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize