well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
