It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
