Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's shark week go big or go home
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
