doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
