I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
