A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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