I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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