hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
