I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
