I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Rumble strips road head = magical
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
