no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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