He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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