Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
