I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
