we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
