she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
