i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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