Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
