I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
