Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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