You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
