You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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